I just woke up from a terrible yet oddly realistic dream about someone and I feel like I'm going to vomit. Everytime I think about I feel sick to my stomach.. they could get away with murder and do. I don't know if it's jealousy or what.. honestly, I don't think it is because I really just don't agree with any of their ethics. I don't believe in using my body to get attention. I am tired of this over the top cuteness and/or overtly sexual nature that men desire for what ever reason.. what ever happened to interesting, thoughtful articulate women? I hate that using your sexuality is the main source of recieving any recognition as a woman in this circle of friends. (note I said main source, not only) Shame on the narrow minded hormone driven men but really shame on the idiotic women who feed into it.
Personally I've fallen into it too. I thought, wow.. this attention feels great. People like me. It's a phenominal feeling to think people adore you. And then I felt like I had just sold my body. Terrible. If people aren't going to pay attention to what I have to say because I'm not skankin' it up.. fuck them. I don't want it.
Another thing that pisses me off is cuteness. I know I can be the fucking queen of cute and it enrages me. Not that I think I'm hot shit.. I don't... it's just been so rewarding to not be a raging feminist with a brain and say things of little value that people pay reward with smiles and hugs.. I dont even mean to most of the time. Its become second fucking nature. God I'm sick of it. I'm sick of holding back. I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of the girls who've taken away my right to be strong and intelligent by starting this hording of male attention with their bullshit sexuality as though it's some type of competition. It's really not..
And let's face it.. it is a male dominated group. They like it when you're cute and bubbly background noise. I know because I used to get way more attention from you guys when I would talk about sex than any other time ever. I had way more friends when they thought they could get a piece of ass. It was great not to feel alone all the time.. until I realized that I still did feel alone.. at least mentally.... When Andy and I weren't together I had all kinds of these people as "friends.." Now that were together.. they're fucking gone. And yes, I'm disappointed at the empty promises of "I really care about you as a friend..." but I feel better off without it. I'd rather know that my lack of real friends is due to me not giving it up then to have tons and know they're really there for potential ass. (why are girls sluts and guys hot shit if they sleep with someone?) I'm fine with having an openly sexual personality.. that doesn't make you a slut.. acting on it does. MALE OR FEMALE.. but I'm not going to use it as a means to get ahead in life.. (oh, and fuck halloween costumes for women. I went shopping today for a costume and everything is "sexy nurse," "sexy army chick,""slutty pumpkin." What the fuck is that bullshit?!?)
I'm tired whenever I'm in a heated debate about something (esp when I'm right about something) ... it's refuted with... "oh, you're just a crazy girl." Fuck you. I'm tired of this mysogynist crap. You're scared of being beneath anyone.
I'm not fucking cute.. I'm not a social butterfly.. I'm not a pretty little girl... I'm not the virgin mary and I'm not the slutty bitch on you're jerk-off magazine.
This doesn't apply to everyone. Not all men are like this. Not all women either.. but a good fucking majority in this part of town. If you're offended.. good. I am too.